...in bed! HAHAHAHAHA. Ok, seriously now. That there blog title is printed on a fortune cookie bit that I keep displayed in my bathroom as a constant reminder to myself and as hopeful inspiration to any unsuspecting soul who uses the w.c. and happens to notice. The "in bed" is some random tradition I've adopted to finish every fortune cookie inscription thusly. I go for the humor factor in my attempt to keep things positive in my life. It doesn't always work, given I'm human, but I try. This week presented a surprising challenge to my abilities, and I find myself in the swells of my emotions and compromised in my logic. It can only be one thing: a matter of the heart. Heartache works like that and the words "sweet nothings" bears different truths than I initially understood. ...and before I bore you or myself with any more, I want to get into the heart of this missive, which is the title of the post itself.
I sent Mr. Sweet Nothings a note, saying the following. <Your lesson: there are no accidents. The most powerful healing tool you possess is this concept. Chew on this and forgive yourself. You question your divine right to deserve love? The universe handed you the "freak accident" you manifested and gave you what you wanted: the pain to push love out. Good job manifesting your reality. I forgive you. Be well and know love again someday.> I did thank him for setting us free, but was unable to articulate much when we spoke on the phone, when he called to end things, before I sent that note. He asked me to forget him, I have since thought to myself over and over again, 'you do not control my mind; I am the master of my thoughts', just as I certainly cannot control his, and now all I have are my words and my thoughts. I own them happily, and yes, own them to say I am equally responsible for manifesting my reality. I like my solitude, and I have been trying to define that for some time now, and I enjoy defining that, away from everybody else's ideals. So I keep going; keep digging, keep opening my heart to all the feely feelings, and to love, minimally myself, and unconditionally as much as possible. I hold that love in my heart always, against the challenge of heartache, against the wish that I could somehow forget all those sweet nothings. Yet I can and do forgive, and I understand, decisions based in pain come from ill-communication and are removed from love. C'est la vie.
It's a simple and profound concept, that puts the responsibility of living your life with intention in your hands: that there are no accidents, that we create our realities. Of course, I'm not here to preach the dogma of my beliefs, only to share and maybe to help wake the sleeping mind. Am I awake? I sure do try to keep my eyes and my heart open to the wonders of life and the fact that we all make choices. Don't get me wrong, I love me some sleep, and rest is medicine. Though let's not confuse literal sleep with mindfulness. Moving on!
Thank gods for dance! It remains my therapy, and the work I'm doing now with Top Shake Dance presents good fodder for my body's need to hammer out some of the emotional catharsis. It feels good to have my own "pain"; the bruises on my back, down the upper vertebrae and across my scapulae, from slamming my body around the floor in a "controlled-out-of-control" manner during the creation process in rehearsals remind me I am alive and I make the choices and I am in control.
I push into what I do: I create.
There's new stuff in the Gallery, check it out. I'd like to tell you about them here, now that you've read this far. A beautiful pyritized ammonite necklace that Estelle will wear on her upcoming journey to Greece, an amulet for safe passage. The AK Commissioned piece is of particular interest: my friend commissioned me for trade, a handsome offer of smoked fish for which he verily risked his life to catch and clean, and a hand-forged knife from the island on which he lives in Alaska, which will be finished under his apprenticeship. A very fine offer of trade! I felt some of my best self go into this work, and that feels so right during Venus Retrograde, to step back into one's self and one's creativity. This necklace brought out some of my favorite challenges and joys in creating, such as hand-drilling the jasper cylinders and moving parts, like the two brass beads near the clasp, which were given to me by the gypsy-blooded woman who taught me the weaving style. I let it speak to me, and strived to listen and be guided by the way it came together. My friend loved the necklace, and the first words out of his mouth were, "it's perfect; it's exactly what I imagined it would be." I cannot ask for better praise and it felt even better to have known that it was made with great purpose and intention and of course, with love in my heart.
With this I leave you, until next time. Now get on with your life. Live with intention, be kind, be understanding, and be loving. Take time out when you need it, and feed your head with all the goodness and love you deserve. Find the lesson in all of life's events, and own your place within it all. Take stock in your thoughts, because thoughts feed ideas and ideas feed belief systems and beliefs create realities, regardless of our awareness or our mindfulness.
p.s. Don't forget to cartwheel! Extra FUN in slo-mo! XO